Responding to Readers

This is in response to a reader email I received about pity.

"I'm curious to know how you would respond to those who offer over-the-top pity. I know a woman who dramatically talks about our 'empty arms' and repeatedly says how her heart aches so deeply for us.She did a blog entry about us: 'I weep knowing how hard they have tried to have a baby and still have empty arms.' I can't pinpoint why, but her words turn my stomach inside out. Short of avoiding her, I'd like to know a good way to respond to such extreme comments while remaining poised. Often these comments are presented in person and as you may know, it's sure hard to think on your feet when you have to respond in the moment."

I can so totally relate to that uncomfortable feeling. My response would likely be something like this ... "We're trying to move beyond sadness to acceptance. While I appreciate your deep sense of the loss involved it isn't helpful to be reminded of the pain."

I've found the most helpful responses when someone learns of our experience is simply to acknowledge the difficulties we faced with a quiet and sincere, "I'm sorry," or "I admire your strength."

Welcome other responses...